Lately, I have found myself thinking more and more about what life might be like if we don’t ever have children. Recently, we went to a yard sale and the woman hosting had clearly lost her husband and had recently sold their property of several acres. I turned to my husband and told him this is one of the reasons I nag him to take better care of himself. I don’t want to have to do this some day if I can help it.
There are so many things many of us take for granted when we are younger. Having someone there to help take care of you is one of them. Now that we live on acreage ourselves and after turning 40 I think of the what ifs a bit too much. I worry about dying alone, about having to sell our beautiful property because I have lost him and can’t manage on my own.
My husband and I have some fairly peculiar conversations at times. Being a person who has dealt with depression so much I have though too much of what I want when I die. One of the things I have always requested is should my husband die first that he put my ashes somewhere (in a mason jar for all I care) and that he leave instructions for us to be mixed together and spread somewhere. Recently, he brought up the question of where do we want to have these mixed together ashes spread? To that my first response was well, who is going to spread them? I mean we spread his father’s ashes and will most likely be the responsible parties when my parents or his mom dies but who is going to be there for our ashes and affairs. This is where the peculiar comes in. Kevin has always maintained that our dog Shelby is going to live forever (denial is a wonderful trait) so the plan is since she will surely outlive us that a fertilizer spreader be tied to her and she can spread our ashes all over the property. Of course this immediately brings images of her panting and searching anywhere for shade should it be summer or running in circles trying to figure out what is hooked to her backside. We had a nice laugh and I am pretty certain if she understood what we were talking about this is the look she would give us.
We have actually come a long way as Kevin normally won’t talk about death or what shall happen at least at any length. I am the plannerly one though and have always thought of things like this. Especially, with things that would help him should anything happen to myself. Keeping updated lists so he knows how to access accounts and what we even have (I handle all of that). Part of it has been reinforced by a previous career in Insurance. It was heartbreaking to have clients who had lost a loved one and not only were dealing with their grief but didn’t know where to begin in handling their affairs. So, if something were to happen to me I want the things I can make easier for my husband and family to be easier.
It does bring up questions for our future however. I think many people have younger extended family they can rely on to fulfill those last requests and even someone to leave your estate to. Without nieces or nephews I am not so sure what we may do if children aren’t in our future. I would love to read your comments about how you see your future if children are not in it. I will do a future post about the many things that childlessness can mean to a person. For now I wanted to toss this out there and see what you think?