The Lonely Womb

Living and Learning through Loss

Category: Womb with a Green Thumb

A place for my gardening related posts.

Oh look, a squirrel! And other reasons to avoid your feelings.

I am back from my two week unplanned blogging hiatus.  With the impending gloom of Mother’s day I found myself coming up with any excuse to not sit down and blog about those often unpleasant feelings.  So, I did what I sometimes do all too well and avoided it.  I did get some serious binge-watching done of The Good Wife though (addicted in the last season is so my way).

Mother’s day was a surprisingly lovely day.  We hosted a brunch at our home. 13164318_10209691599432479_601703592544690628_nThe typical breakfast items and a few 13095918_10209691599752487_4841128265586030777_nfun things like fruit kabobs, chocolate covered strawberries.  My mom brought an adorable veggie choo choo and my dad made homemade easter bread (sweet bread with saffron).  Our house was filled with love and laughter with my mom and dad, Kevin’s mom and brother and my aunt and uncle who live locally.  It was a nice day with family.  I am exceptionally lucky to have a wonderful mother and mother-in-law around and that we not only enjoy spending time together but that they are healthy and a strong part of my life.

I actually think the week leading up to and the week after are harder for me than Mother’s day itself.  The week prior is all about how are you going to celebrate and social media, tv and radio are inundated with all things mom.  The week after this year was full of all the cute things all my mom friends did or received so it actually bummed me out more than the rest.  Thus, avoiding all things having to deal with my feelings including the blog.

As this can be a tender time for myself I tried to focus on self care and things I both needed and wanted to get done.  The weather finally warmed up enough for me to plant the garden.  As I discussed in a previous post this is both a very exciting new adventure and has me quite unnerved as well.  The link between not being able to grow and baby and hoping I can at least be successful growing a garden are strong with me.

13221735_10209742661869008_165413170229667865_nWhile I still don’t really know what I am doing I have had to just jump in with both feet.  There will certainly be things 13178596_10209742256698879_4493920136239476049_nthat don’t grow or are eaten by bugs etc.  It has already been rewarding as one week in I already have seedling popping up all over.  Now there are 1500 ladybugs crawling all over the seedlings and plants as well.  It is so fun.  This infertility journey has shaken my confidence in many of my abilities so being successful in anything but especially growing new life even in the form of veggies is a wonderful thing.  Here is a glimpse of three of the planter boxes including the one closest that holds our taters.

I am enjoying checking on this little garden each day to see how everything is doing and mothering it as best as I can.

In addition to getting the little (not so little) garden planted I also took some time to be alone.  As an only child I crave solitude and it can be like therapy for me.  So, when my parents were going to leave for vacation I jumped at the chance to house sit for several days.  They live about 25 minutes from our property so I was able to be local but get away from chores, responsibilities and get some alone time.  My super sweet hubby totally gets that I need this kind of thing from time to time.  Five nights and six days of zencation as I called it.  It was not only good for my soul but each time my husband and I are away from each other I think it sparks our connection even further.  We started out as a long distance relationship originally and have had to live apart due to jobs at various times so it was fun to send cute texts to each other.

My husband even took the time to let me instruct him over the phone on how to assemble a necklace order that came in while I was away.  It was hilarious and so sweet at the same time.  He knew I wasn’t ready to return home and it was a simple order so he happily got it all put together, packaged and mailed.

All in all I think I did the best thing I could have for this year’s mother’s day.  Self care whatever that means to you.  Each year, each holiday or difficult time it usually comes down to showing yourself some love.  This helps for me at least.  It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive or even overly complicated but taking the time for you is important.  This is true for moms as well.

For those of you who struggle on Mother’s day and I think there are so many of you out there.  I wish I could hug you.  Sometimes that is all we need.  So, if you have lost your mother, are trying to become a mother, have been estranged from your mother or whatever the reason this day may be hard please know that you matter, you are wonderful and you are loved.

My each day be a little less hard.

Blessings, Lara

 

Taters

As I was brushing my teeth this morning and trying to decide which topic to write about this week I was thinking about the unique language my husband and I have developed over the past 21+ years together.  Those nicknames we call each other, terms for random objects that nobody else would possibly understand and you should hear us talk to our fur babies.  I will admit, I am most guilty of this and Kevin has had no choice but to find himself speaking oddly at times for the simple fact that he has been with me for so long.  (smile).  I am lucky as well that he can finish my sentences and understand what I am saying when I trail off before finishing or start in the middle of a story that I started in my head.

When we began talking about having a baby we somehow started referencing to babies as “Taters”.  It was all about “let’s make a tater” and “I can’t wait to have a tater”.  We are even that cheesy that I bought a baby potato head toy and glued a pacifier in its mouth to tell Kevin I was pregnant (2nd time around).  I still have it stashed away with various baby paraphernalia.

So….. It is with humor that I find myself venturing into my first garden (ever) and of course I will be growing a variety of “taters”.  At first I wasn’t going to mention gardening or other “off topic” things on this blog but it dawned on me that just about everything I do I mentally relate to infertility.  It isn’t a choice but just my reality.  I actually have found that this infertile journey has made me much more passionate about things like writing, making things (I sell various handmade items in my own Etsy shop) and now gardening.  12932597_10209449090489907_8528610916427360666_n

This whole gardening concept I have found quite overwhelming.  Recently, as I was overthinking it (my usual) I found myself fearing that this little garden wouldn’t be successful (thus the overthinking).  I think I need to prove to myself that while I haven’t been successful in making a baby (tater) I can grown real taters (and all the other various vegetables I am planning on).  So, I will probably post tidbits hear and there about how this whole garden is going.  It has been rewarding watching some of my seedlings actually grow.

Now you know a little bit more about our quirky little family and stay tuned for how those taters turn out.  Sorry for the shorter post this week but it is a gorgeous day out today so we are going to go play.

© 2017 The Lonely Womb

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑